I'm praying for a revival

"Surely you heard of him and were taught in him accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body." - Ephesians 4: 21-25

Dear Eve,

Please hear the deep mourning of my heart, as God has again revealed my sickness that corrupted so many blessings that graciously fell from Him. These words that fall off my lips are from my core, and until everything is transparent and naked before you, I cannot have peace. I longed to be pure and holy. I wished to be clean and worthy. But I fell so short of not only God's glory, but to your beauty. All my efforts have been with my strength, my motives, and my subjective thinking. And this led me to be completely blind from appreciating our holy relationship. My perverted mind ran uncontrollably in my head and planted seeds of destruction as it skipped around callously. My body was enslaved to all the sinful desires - my unconscious mind whipped my body, commanding it like a slave. This truly is the closest description I have to illustrate the pain I felt while committing wrong against you. Just like a slave, after my mind raped my body, I was disgusted at myself and hated my corrupted, evil rationale, which pointed and laughed, as it watched my body obey its bidding. I had shown a fingertip of humility to God, and turned around to you with egotistical and prideful eyes. My drunkenness in my pride consumed me and made it impossible for me to feel any real compassion (with should be led by action not only to your face but also when our backs are turned), and most importantly, to love you as myself. I had taken your ideas of romance for granted. I spoke words to comfort you and to gain your trust, all in the end, to crush your heart. I drew the most inaccurate picture of love by blindfolding your eyes, and whispering hope in to your ears, as I led you straight to despair. My falsehood has jaded your worldview of love, trust, and especially of men, and I take full responsibility for the callousing of your heart.

I honestly cannot believe I fell for all the lies Satan had been whispering in to my ears, telling me not to trust you and that you would do the same evil back to me. I'm here to say that I cannot tolerate the lies that have been running through my blood. If I had only knew the world didn't revolve around my justifying thought process and actually realized the objective desires of God, I may have saved your innocence - and may have even approached a true practice of a sacred relationship. I'm not trying to say I am perfect now that God has found me and is teaching me to turn inside out. I am still only human and the evil thoughts still lurk around me. Yes, my sinful heart is a part of me! But please understand that Jesus cleanses me continuously. I am better today, and I will be even better tomorrow as God showers me with his wisdom and love. Please separate my sins from the goodness that comes from God, and see my potential. Could you please be gracious and forgive me (and all men) for I am only human, totally depraved, and dominated by the lies of this world. You are one of the greatest blessing God has given me. Please accept my apology for all the deceptions that may have harmed you emotionally and spiritually. I hold my actions responsible, not only for causing your heart to sink, but also for the never ending cycle of anger and frustration which is a DNA of our current society. Because of my blindness, I have made you defensive, and Satan has used me as a puppet to stir evil thoughts in your heart as well, so that he can give me a reason to attack back even stronger. I started this battle, which naturally created a wall that deters us from quickly joining in partnership to overcome any struggles.

You allow me to find my hidden emotions and give me insightful perspective in my life. In the areas I am weak, you support me to be strong. You give me confidence in my walk and awaken my drunkenness. We need reconciliation - to form a bond that moves as one. Let's break this culture and show the world how heavenly we were made to be. Let's pull down the kingdom of God, here on Earth, and celebrate like Eden is here! I wish to be in partnership with you, to wave the holy flag up high and clear, as we proclaim not only our unity, but also our allegiance to God.

Love,

Adam

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." - 2 Corinthians 5:20-21

Nature is Sacramental

Someone told me today that a friend visiting from Iraq had told her that they say "insallah"- in god's will- to everything. She thought this is truly what brings Peace - leaving all in God's hands. The friend visiting from Iraq also pointed out how we don't see this faithful surrender in our society because of all the infrastructure set in place. And I would definitely have to agree to some degree that this is a huge problem in our society - Infrastructure clouds our minds and distract us from seeing the clear discernment of the Truth.

When we strip away all the "make up" of this world and see it raw, in its natural state, we come to realize how scary reality really is, how fragile we really are, and how quickly we can disappear. However, at the same time, when we are faced with this raw nature, beauty overflows our minds and it impossible to deny the presence of God, as we look to the stars that are held above in their place by Him.

"I think we have two choices in the face of such big beauty: terror or awe. And this is precisely why we attempt to chart God, because we want to be able to predict Him, to dissect Him, to carry Him around in our dog and pony show. We are too proud to feel awe and too fearful to feel terror. We reduce Him to math so we don't have to fear Him, and yet the Bible tells us fear is the appropriate response, that it is the beginning of wisdom. Does this mean God is going to hurt us? No. But I stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon once, behind a railing, and though I was never going to fall off the edge, I feared the thought of it. " - Donald Miller

I believe Satan uses infrastructure - roads, buildings, homes, etc. - even though it's not bad when properly used for God's kingdom and can definitely be a blessing, at times to lie to us and whisper to us that this is what brings security, comfort, and peace. All the "make up" tempts us to curl up in its delusion to become comfortable and to forget about the REAL world that God has created as a testament of His Glory. While infrastructure can pave the way for proper growth within God's council, I believe it inevitably leads us to depend less and less on God - we strive to gain more and more security and control over our lives by building and calculating for our future blindly. We go about this lifestyle without realizing the true source of it all - source of our logic, source of our strength, and source of our purpose. Everything becomes more and more about ourselves and less and less about God. We become self-addicts. Similar to waking up from a dream to find reality, we must wake up from this delusion and see it from another perspective. Maybe looking at the world without all the "make up" might be a good start - flushing out all the mirage in front of our eyes and seeing nature. It's extremely hard especially in our corporate driven society, but it may be the only way not to be sucked in to the trap of believe that tall buildings representing power and security.

"Nature to a saint is sacramental. If we are children of God, we have tremendous treasure in Nature. In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a real coming of God to us if we will simply use our starved imagination to realize it. The test of spiritual concentration is bringing the imagination in to captivity. " - Utmost for His Highest

Blue Like Jazz

I read one of the most beautiful analogies of Christianity recently. It's from a book titled, "Blue Like Jazz". It's about a story of a Navy SEAL that performs covert operations, freeing hostages and prisoners from some of the worst places in the darkest parts of this world. As the story goes, a team of SEALs flew in by helicopter and rushed in to the room where all the hostages had been imprisoned for months. The room was disgusting, filthy, and dark. All the hostages were curled up in corners of the room, terrified, and scared to death. The SEALs stood at the door, announced that they are Americans, and directed the hostages to get up quickly and follow them. However, none of the hostages would move. All the hostages sat still in there corners and hid their eyes in fear. Their minds were in the worst state possible - too corrupted from torture and empty of any hope to believe rescuers have come to save them. The SEALs were in disbelief and didn't know what to do, until one of the SEAL got an idea. "He put down his weapons, took off his helmet, and curled up tightly next to the other hostages, getting so close his body was touching some of theirs. He softened the look on his face and put his arms around them. He was trying to show them he was one of them. None of the prison guards would have done this. He stayed there for a little while until some of the hostages started to look at him, finally meeting his eyes. The Navy SEAL whispered that they were Americans and were there to rescue them. Will you follow us? he said. The hero stood to his feet and one of the hostages did the same, then another, until all of them were willing to go. The story ends with all the hostages safe on an American aircraft carrier."

How beautiful is this story? Knowing that it would be impossible to gain the trust of the hostages by simply standing at the door and ordering them to follow, the SEAL takes off all, which dresses him to be a SEAL, and becomes one of the prisoners, so that they may finally see the truth and be saved. God, the Holiest or Holy, came down to become human, undressed all the physical appearance of that which makes Him God (to adapt to our nature), so that He can gain our trust. This is divine love, and there would be no meaning for Love if it was not for Christ coming down to "adapt" to us. Isn't this how we, humans, show love? We adapt as we understand each other to show love for one another. God was the first to show us the perfect way to Love. Without Him, there is no Love.

Seriously.. Are we trying to solve God?

I was skimming through my favorite book today, and the chapter on "The Three-Personal God" jumped out at me. It had struck me before, but I got caught up in the book (cuz its so frickin good) and forgot to come back and reflect on it! I need to write this down as a reminder...

"In space you can move in three ways - to left or right, backwards or forwards, up or down. Every direction is either one of these three or a compromise between them. They are called the three Dimensions. Now notice this. If you are using only one dimension, you could draw only a straight line. If you are using two, you could draw a figure say, a square. And a square is made up of four straight lines. Now a step further. If you have three dimensions, you can then build what we call a solid body: say, a cube - a thing like a dice or a lump of sugar. And a cube is made up of six squares.

Do you see the point? A world of one dimensions would be a straight line. In a two-dimensional world, you still get straight lines, but many lines make one figure. In a three dimensional world, you still get figures but many figures make one solid body. In other words, as you advance to more real and more complicated levels, you do not leave behind the things you found on the simpler levels: you still have them, but combined in new ways - in ways you could not imagine if you knew only the simpler levels.

Now the Christian account of God involves just the same principle. The human level is a simple and rather empty level. On the human level one person is one being, and any two persons are two separate beings - just as, in two dimensions (say on a flat sheet of paper) one square is one figure, and any two squares are two separate figures. On the Divine level you will find personalities; but up there you find them combined in new ways which we, who do not live on that level, cannot imagine. In God's dimension, so to speak, you find a being who is three Persons while remaining one Being, just as a cube is six squares while remaining one cube. Of course we cannot fully conceive a Being like that: just as, if we were so made that we perceived only two dimensions in space we could never properly imagine a cube. But we can get a sort of faint notion of it. And when we do, we are then, for the first time in our lives, getting some positive idea, however faint, of something super-personal - something more than a person. It is something we could never have guessed, and yet, once we have been told, one almost feels one ought to have been able to guess it because it fits in so well with all the things we know already." - CS Lewis

This supports the Word, when God said he has created us in His image - We resemble God in a way with small elements of His being, but also far from Him, as we are trapped in this physical world. We are clearly far from God's dimension, but just like a painting, where you will see the characteristics of the artist by examining the brush stokes and the painting style, we are able to see God's character by examining ourselves - our longing for security that this world does not provide, our longing for happiness this world cannot sustain, the joy that fills our hearts when we serve and love, etc. When we examine ourselves we are able to see the basic structure that amounts to God. However, no matter how much analyzing we do on our part, we are only a "square", and we could never properly imagine a "cube". Only a faint notion of It.

Wake Up!

During the New Year's Eve service, Pastor Brian concluded his message by saying, "Let's fight the good fight and run the good race." And it was clear to see that the message was soaked with the theme of perseverance - running the race and fighting the fight no matter how tough it gets along the way. As Christians we are called, by the grace of God, to fight against our worldly desires (although when the peace from God enters our hearts, we are able to take the pleasures of the world in a different form - the way it was meant to be), and to follow after Christ genuinely and wholeheartedly. However, I truly believe simply fighting temptations and doing good deeds isn't what God wishes Christianity to be, nor did Pastor Brian in his message. Christianity is definitely deeper than this.

Fighting temptations through prayer and meditation is a great thing to practice, as it is a crucial component to continually consecrating ourselves for the Lord. However, I believe this is just "having a snack" compared to "having a meal" - waking ourselves up from our drunkenness continuously. It is also great to do good deeds, but I would question if all "good deeds" are actually good if we do not understand the meaning behind some of our actions? It is only when we choose to fight the fight of waking up from our drunkenness, that God will help us to become sober so that we may understand the reason for every little thing we do - not "just because Jesus said so". Once we begin to understand (continuous process) God's definition of love, humility, compassion, can we actually practice them genuinely and naturally where ever we are - not just at church or to people that know of us as being Christians. It is no longer a "show", but just our natural being. As CS Lewis states in Mere Christianity, "When a man is getting worse he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. You understand sleep when you are awake, not while you are sleeping. You can see mistakes in arithmetic when your mind is working properly: while you are making them you cannot see them. You can understand the nature of drunkenness when you are sober, not when you are drunk. Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either," we can understand that, as we draw nearer to God, we see more and more clearly the evil that is still left within us. As God shows more of Himself to us, we see more and more what we have not seen before. If this is true, epiphanies should be frequent and we should continuously be expanding our knowledge/purpose of this "life" until we are reunited with God. Unfortunately, we do not have the power to expand our sight to see what God sees with our strength- it is totally up to God (by grace) to allow us to see small bits and pieces of what lies in His dimension. However, I truly believes God wishes us to see what he sees - our character and our mindset just isn't ready to accept the truth.

"It is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as a sunlight, tough it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as clean one" - CS Lewis.

Our job to mature as Christians, then, lies on how desperate we are to be continually awakened by the Truth. This desperation should be reflected in our prayers and through our actions - reading the word, books, listening/singing to praise songs, and indulging ourselves in anything that may grow our perception of God.

I pray that our generation fights the good fight, not only to fight temptations and distractions caused by Satan, but also to desperately fight to become "sober" from our "drunkenness".

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Side notes from experience:

- The more and more I eat unproportionately and not healthy, the more it becomes easier to continue to eat without any portion control and the lack of care to eat healthy. However, when I switch to a healthier diet, I am awakened, and realize how important a balanced eating habit really is.

- It's extremely hard to commit to a workout plan and it becomes harder as I become comfortable not working out. However, as soon as I snap out of the laziness, I realize that being "comfortable" ruins my physically, mental, and spiritual discipline. Comfort can be a form of "drunkenness".

My favorite QT praise song:

Humble King - Vineyard


Oh kneel me down again 
Here at Your feet 
Show me how much You love Humility  
Oh spirt be the star 
That leads me to 
The humble heart of love I see in You
  
You are the God of the broken 
The friend of the weak 
You wash the feet of the weary 
Embrace the ones in need 
And I want to be like You Jesus 
To have this heart in me 
You are the God of the humble 
You are the humble King

Heart of Service

This entry is dedicated to missionary Jonathan and the three interns (Rachel, Abby, and Shaina) in Costa Rica

This world has brain washed us, and has made us in to cold, selfish beings, causing us to be defensive and offensive. The "corporate" culture that teaches us the motto of "survival of the fittest" makes us rely totally on our own powers to grow in our society, in our corporate jobs, and even our spiritual walk. As we do this, we naturally become prideful, as competition stirs pride in our hearts. This pride makes our hearts callus and cold - It forces us to protect our hearts, while not caring about the hearts around us, and we build a wall and shoot down "enemies" that try to "invade" us. This mindset is true ignorance and we can't help but to walk blind in darkness, trying to put bandages on our cuts by indulging into temporary satisfactions that seem to lift our spirit. However, this only further feeds the virus, and the sickness spreads. This temporary satisfaction infects us deep within and even leads to spiritual cancer.

God's grace is the only thing that can cure this sickness. When we seek Him, and He comes with grace, and strikes humility in to our hearts. He transforms our hearts to be softer, and full of compassion - a selfish cold heart in to a heart of service. Only then, can we be totally secure of ourselves, and live a joyful - full of purpose - life. How can we possibly be happy living as slaves that work to satisfy our materialistic desires? Our happiness would only be from what we produce. This cycle would never end - and it's extremely depressing. However, when God hits us with a heart of service, we partake in a greater goal that is finally not about ourselves. Our motive for our actions become selfless (to expand His kingdom), and this way of life drives us to work harder and to be joyful with any task given to us by God. Service (a form of worship) is the only drug that will instill a purpose in to our hearts and ultimately bring true happiness.