Love

I've been searching for the definition of love since I was in middle school. I think I was really odd as a kid, and If people knew some of the things I thought of in my times alone (even now), I think I might scare people. Sometimes it gets too intense - zoning in on broad topics and pushing harder and harder and harder to find the core - but I have fun by myself thinking this way. It makes me feel alive :)

Anyways, this topic of Love... is a hard one. There's so much depth to Love (especially the real Love from God), that it'll never be fully understood. However, God is poetic, and He has given us the power to reason and has blessed us with all the amazing creations in this world to see, taste, and hear a little bit of His true Love. Lately, I've been reflecting on the subject of "intimate love" - in greek it's called Eros. It is the closest Love that comes near Agape, or divine love. Honestly, in my opinion, as Christians, we should strive to reach Agape in all areas of our lives, weather it be Eros or Philia (friendship love). The more our hearts become aligned with God's heart, and the more we see through God's eyes, Christ's Love (agape) should overflow straight through us. Since the process of consecrating ourselves for God and being aligned to His will is a life long process, I believe Love will be a life long lesson. For now, I can only speak of the Love I've learned throughout my meek, twenty five years of life.

I knew from the beginning, even before I became a Christian, I couldn't trust the definition of Love that was being produced by our society - It was too fickle, inconsistent, and short lasting. "Love" depended on too much emotions and not enough reasoning, and since I'm a more logic based thinker, it was impossible to accept all the fluff I saw on TV. I believed "Love" was overused in our culture and has become a subjective word for individuals. And if someone believed in one form of "love" and another believed in another form, who could ever put a finger on the real definition of love? I was always so baffled by the way everyone was okay with accepting that people were entitled to their perspective of "Love", especially because when people say to each other "I love you", the person hearing it has no clue of what that truly means. When anything (which is almost everything in our culture) becomes subjective, it's impossible to know the right and wrong, and in the end makes it really hard to communicate with people. I believed that there are things that can be left for discussion, but believed that there are things that should be objective and constant. As for Love, I believed that emotions come and go, and I needed something more solid - something that'll stay constant throughout all time - to be the source that produces the most beautiful things in life. If Love was anything as wavering like our emotions, I felt like the whole world had no absolute - everything would be relative and chaotic. And luckily, being born in to a Christian family, I learned about the Love that Jesus represented. Even though He was just a good speaker at that time, something about the way Paul described Christ's Love in 1 Corinthians 13, always stuck with me. All the characteristics described in the passage are all actions (sometimes forced through humility) produced to bless another. This really seemed like a great foundation for Love, as these actions portrayed in the Bible were anything but inconsistent, self-serving, and the emotional "love" I felt like our society was feeding us. From this point, Love was mostly action, a choice, and very little emotion. I wanted to perform Love, and not just feel it. However, as God touched my heart, and I began to see His blessings more clearly - God has given us emotions and reasoning capabilities for a purpose: Maybe to Love. My definition of Love has evolved and has made room for emotion to play a bigger role - "being in love" is the emotional ingredient which leads to performing Love. I believe "being is love" is the explosion that starts it all - that makes you decide to Love from that point on - to constantly be the vessel for Christ to expand His divine, unconditional love.

"Natural love expects some return, but Paul says - I do not care whether you love me or not, I am willing to destitute myself completely, not merely for your sakes, but that I may get you to God... He says that in His Kingdom he that is greatest shall be the servant of all. The real test of the saint is not preaching the gospel, but washing disciples' feet, that is, doing the things that do not count in the actual estimate of men but count everything in the estimate of God." - My Utmost for His Highest

Once the engine is sparked, to maintain the engine to continue running, it is not merely feelings any longer. "It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God." - CS Lewis. I believe it is a constant process of "dying to myself" and allowing Christ to love through me. Once I understood the concept of "allowing Christ to love through me", the choice to love selflessly became so easy. Love became a ministry to spread God's love - the unconditional love that expects nothing in return and chooses to continuously pour out Love even through the dry periods. For awhile, I was delusional - I loved others expecting some sort of reciprocation back. However, I recently realized this is not love, but self-service. I was loving others, putting them in debt, and expecting some sort of love payment back. When faced with betrayal or actions that was sub par to "my level of love", my love for others faded - my love was conditional. This is definitely not the Love Christ wishes me to portray as a follower of His Word. I wish to be an example of Christ's unconditional Love, which I know will stretch me to the fullest and challenge all sorts of logic. However, my logic stands to submit to the Lord of the heavens, and to practice His way of Love, not my subjective, conditional Love.

I wish for my life to be a ministry that is not departmentalized - so that everything I do is for His glory and that I may be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for other lives. I wish to constantly be reminded that Love is black or white, as Jesus did not leave room for discussion.

"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change - not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. The sort of thrill a boy has at the first idea of flying will not go on when he has joined the R.A.F. and is really learning to fly. The thrill you feel on first seeing some delightful place dies away when you really go to live there. Does this mean it would be better not to learn to fly and not to live in the beautiful place? By no means. In both cases, if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. What is more, it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction. The man who has learned to fly and become a good pilot will suddenly discover music; the man who has settled down to live in the beauty spot will discover gardening. This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies." - CS Lewis

I'm praying for a revival

"Surely you heard of him and were taught in him accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body." - Ephesians 4: 21-25

Dear Eve,

Please hear the deep mourning of my heart, as God has again revealed my sickness that corrupted so many blessings that graciously fell from Him. These words that fall off my lips are from my core, and until everything is transparent and naked before you, I cannot have peace. I longed to be pure and holy. I wished to be clean and worthy. But I fell so short of not only God's glory, but to your beauty. All my efforts have been with my strength, my motives, and my subjective thinking. And this led me to be completely blind from appreciating our holy relationship. My perverted mind ran uncontrollably in my head and planted seeds of destruction as it skipped around callously. My body was enslaved to all the sinful desires - my unconscious mind whipped my body, commanding it like a slave. This truly is the closest description I have to illustrate the pain I felt while committing wrong against you. Just like a slave, after my mind raped my body, I was disgusted at myself and hated my corrupted, evil rationale, which pointed and laughed, as it watched my body obey its bidding. I had shown a fingertip of humility to God, and turned around to you with egotistical and prideful eyes. My drunkenness in my pride consumed me and made it impossible for me to feel any real compassion (with should be led by action not only to your face but also when our backs are turned), and most importantly, to love you as myself. I had taken your ideas of romance for granted. I spoke words to comfort you and to gain your trust, all in the end, to crush your heart. I drew the most inaccurate picture of love by blindfolding your eyes, and whispering hope in to your ears, as I led you straight to despair. My falsehood has jaded your worldview of love, trust, and especially of men, and I take full responsibility for the callousing of your heart.

I honestly cannot believe I fell for all the lies Satan had been whispering in to my ears, telling me not to trust you and that you would do the same evil back to me. I'm here to say that I cannot tolerate the lies that have been running through my blood. If I had only knew the world didn't revolve around my justifying thought process and actually realized the objective desires of God, I may have saved your innocence - and may have even approached a true practice of a sacred relationship. I'm not trying to say I am perfect now that God has found me and is teaching me to turn inside out. I am still only human and the evil thoughts still lurk around me. Yes, my sinful heart is a part of me! But please understand that Jesus cleanses me continuously. I am better today, and I will be even better tomorrow as God showers me with his wisdom and love. Please separate my sins from the goodness that comes from God, and see my potential. Could you please be gracious and forgive me (and all men) for I am only human, totally depraved, and dominated by the lies of this world. You are one of the greatest blessing God has given me. Please accept my apology for all the deceptions that may have harmed you emotionally and spiritually. I hold my actions responsible, not only for causing your heart to sink, but also for the never ending cycle of anger and frustration which is a DNA of our current society. Because of my blindness, I have made you defensive, and Satan has used me as a puppet to stir evil thoughts in your heart as well, so that he can give me a reason to attack back even stronger. I started this battle, which naturally created a wall that deters us from quickly joining in partnership to overcome any struggles.

You allow me to find my hidden emotions and give me insightful perspective in my life. In the areas I am weak, you support me to be strong. You give me confidence in my walk and awaken my drunkenness. We need reconciliation - to form a bond that moves as one. Let's break this culture and show the world how heavenly we were made to be. Let's pull down the kingdom of God, here on Earth, and celebrate like Eden is here! I wish to be in partnership with you, to wave the holy flag up high and clear, as we proclaim not only our unity, but also our allegiance to God.

Love,

Adam

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." - 2 Corinthians 5:20-21

Nature is Sacramental

Someone told me today that a friend visiting from Iraq had told her that they say "insallah"- in god's will- to everything. She thought this is truly what brings Peace - leaving all in God's hands. The friend visiting from Iraq also pointed out how we don't see this faithful surrender in our society because of all the infrastructure set in place. And I would definitely have to agree to some degree that this is a huge problem in our society - Infrastructure clouds our minds and distract us from seeing the clear discernment of the Truth.

When we strip away all the "make up" of this world and see it raw, in its natural state, we come to realize how scary reality really is, how fragile we really are, and how quickly we can disappear. However, at the same time, when we are faced with this raw nature, beauty overflows our minds and it impossible to deny the presence of God, as we look to the stars that are held above in their place by Him.

"I think we have two choices in the face of such big beauty: terror or awe. And this is precisely why we attempt to chart God, because we want to be able to predict Him, to dissect Him, to carry Him around in our dog and pony show. We are too proud to feel awe and too fearful to feel terror. We reduce Him to math so we don't have to fear Him, and yet the Bible tells us fear is the appropriate response, that it is the beginning of wisdom. Does this mean God is going to hurt us? No. But I stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon once, behind a railing, and though I was never going to fall off the edge, I feared the thought of it. " - Donald Miller

I believe Satan uses infrastructure - roads, buildings, homes, etc. - even though it's not bad when properly used for God's kingdom and can definitely be a blessing, at times to lie to us and whisper to us that this is what brings security, comfort, and peace. All the "make up" tempts us to curl up in its delusion to become comfortable and to forget about the REAL world that God has created as a testament of His Glory. While infrastructure can pave the way for proper growth within God's council, I believe it inevitably leads us to depend less and less on God - we strive to gain more and more security and control over our lives by building and calculating for our future blindly. We go about this lifestyle without realizing the true source of it all - source of our logic, source of our strength, and source of our purpose. Everything becomes more and more about ourselves and less and less about God. We become self-addicts. Similar to waking up from a dream to find reality, we must wake up from this delusion and see it from another perspective. Maybe looking at the world without all the "make up" might be a good start - flushing out all the mirage in front of our eyes and seeing nature. It's extremely hard especially in our corporate driven society, but it may be the only way not to be sucked in to the trap of believe that tall buildings representing power and security.

"Nature to a saint is sacramental. If we are children of God, we have tremendous treasure in Nature. In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a real coming of God to us if we will simply use our starved imagination to realize it. The test of spiritual concentration is bringing the imagination in to captivity. " - Utmost for His Highest

Blue Like Jazz

I read one of the most beautiful analogies of Christianity recently. It's from a book titled, "Blue Like Jazz". It's about a story of a Navy SEAL that performs covert operations, freeing hostages and prisoners from some of the worst places in the darkest parts of this world. As the story goes, a team of SEALs flew in by helicopter and rushed in to the room where all the hostages had been imprisoned for months. The room was disgusting, filthy, and dark. All the hostages were curled up in corners of the room, terrified, and scared to death. The SEALs stood at the door, announced that they are Americans, and directed the hostages to get up quickly and follow them. However, none of the hostages would move. All the hostages sat still in there corners and hid their eyes in fear. Their minds were in the worst state possible - too corrupted from torture and empty of any hope to believe rescuers have come to save them. The SEALs were in disbelief and didn't know what to do, until one of the SEAL got an idea. "He put down his weapons, took off his helmet, and curled up tightly next to the other hostages, getting so close his body was touching some of theirs. He softened the look on his face and put his arms around them. He was trying to show them he was one of them. None of the prison guards would have done this. He stayed there for a little while until some of the hostages started to look at him, finally meeting his eyes. The Navy SEAL whispered that they were Americans and were there to rescue them. Will you follow us? he said. The hero stood to his feet and one of the hostages did the same, then another, until all of them were willing to go. The story ends with all the hostages safe on an American aircraft carrier."

How beautiful is this story? Knowing that it would be impossible to gain the trust of the hostages by simply standing at the door and ordering them to follow, the SEAL takes off all, which dresses him to be a SEAL, and becomes one of the prisoners, so that they may finally see the truth and be saved. God, the Holiest or Holy, came down to become human, undressed all the physical appearance of that which makes Him God (to adapt to our nature), so that He can gain our trust. This is divine love, and there would be no meaning for Love if it was not for Christ coming down to "adapt" to us. Isn't this how we, humans, show love? We adapt as we understand each other to show love for one another. God was the first to show us the perfect way to Love. Without Him, there is no Love.