Love

I've been searching for the definition of love since I was in middle school. I think I was really odd as a kid, and If people knew some of the things I thought of in my times alone (even now), I think I might scare people. Sometimes it gets too intense - zoning in on broad topics and pushing harder and harder and harder to find the core - but I have fun by myself thinking this way. It makes me feel alive :)

Anyways, this topic of Love... is a hard one. There's so much depth to Love (especially the real Love from God), that it'll never be fully understood. However, God is poetic, and He has given us the power to reason and has blessed us with all the amazing creations in this world to see, taste, and hear a little bit of His true Love. Lately, I've been reflecting on the subject of "intimate love" - in greek it's called Eros. It is the closest Love that comes near Agape, or divine love. Honestly, in my opinion, as Christians, we should strive to reach Agape in all areas of our lives, weather it be Eros or Philia (friendship love). The more our hearts become aligned with God's heart, and the more we see through God's eyes, Christ's Love (agape) should overflow straight through us. Since the process of consecrating ourselves for God and being aligned to His will is a life long process, I believe Love will be a life long lesson. For now, I can only speak of the Love I've learned throughout my meek, twenty five years of life.

I knew from the beginning, even before I became a Christian, I couldn't trust the definition of Love that was being produced by our society - It was too fickle, inconsistent, and short lasting. "Love" depended on too much emotions and not enough reasoning, and since I'm a more logic based thinker, it was impossible to accept all the fluff I saw on TV. I believed "Love" was overused in our culture and has become a subjective word for individuals. And if someone believed in one form of "love" and another believed in another form, who could ever put a finger on the real definition of love? I was always so baffled by the way everyone was okay with accepting that people were entitled to their perspective of "Love", especially because when people say to each other "I love you", the person hearing it has no clue of what that truly means. When anything (which is almost everything in our culture) becomes subjective, it's impossible to know the right and wrong, and in the end makes it really hard to communicate with people. I believed that there are things that can be left for discussion, but believed that there are things that should be objective and constant. As for Love, I believed that emotions come and go, and I needed something more solid - something that'll stay constant throughout all time - to be the source that produces the most beautiful things in life. If Love was anything as wavering like our emotions, I felt like the whole world had no absolute - everything would be relative and chaotic. And luckily, being born in to a Christian family, I learned about the Love that Jesus represented. Even though He was just a good speaker at that time, something about the way Paul described Christ's Love in 1 Corinthians 13, always stuck with me. All the characteristics described in the passage are all actions (sometimes forced through humility) produced to bless another. This really seemed like a great foundation for Love, as these actions portrayed in the Bible were anything but inconsistent, self-serving, and the emotional "love" I felt like our society was feeding us. From this point, Love was mostly action, a choice, and very little emotion. I wanted to perform Love, and not just feel it. However, as God touched my heart, and I began to see His blessings more clearly - God has given us emotions and reasoning capabilities for a purpose: Maybe to Love. My definition of Love has evolved and has made room for emotion to play a bigger role - "being in love" is the emotional ingredient which leads to performing Love. I believe "being is love" is the explosion that starts it all - that makes you decide to Love from that point on - to constantly be the vessel for Christ to expand His divine, unconditional love.

"Natural love expects some return, but Paul says - I do not care whether you love me or not, I am willing to destitute myself completely, not merely for your sakes, but that I may get you to God... He says that in His Kingdom he that is greatest shall be the servant of all. The real test of the saint is not preaching the gospel, but washing disciples' feet, that is, doing the things that do not count in the actual estimate of men but count everything in the estimate of God." - My Utmost for His Highest

Once the engine is sparked, to maintain the engine to continue running, it is not merely feelings any longer. "It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God." - CS Lewis. I believe it is a constant process of "dying to myself" and allowing Christ to love through me. Once I understood the concept of "allowing Christ to love through me", the choice to love selflessly became so easy. Love became a ministry to spread God's love - the unconditional love that expects nothing in return and chooses to continuously pour out Love even through the dry periods. For awhile, I was delusional - I loved others expecting some sort of reciprocation back. However, I recently realized this is not love, but self-service. I was loving others, putting them in debt, and expecting some sort of love payment back. When faced with betrayal or actions that was sub par to "my level of love", my love for others faded - my love was conditional. This is definitely not the Love Christ wishes me to portray as a follower of His Word. I wish to be an example of Christ's unconditional Love, which I know will stretch me to the fullest and challenge all sorts of logic. However, my logic stands to submit to the Lord of the heavens, and to practice His way of Love, not my subjective, conditional Love.

I wish for my life to be a ministry that is not departmentalized - so that everything I do is for His glory and that I may be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for other lives. I wish to constantly be reminded that Love is black or white, as Jesus did not leave room for discussion.

"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change - not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. The sort of thrill a boy has at the first idea of flying will not go on when he has joined the R.A.F. and is really learning to fly. The thrill you feel on first seeing some delightful place dies away when you really go to live there. Does this mean it would be better not to learn to fly and not to live in the beautiful place? By no means. In both cases, if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. What is more, it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction. The man who has learned to fly and become a good pilot will suddenly discover music; the man who has settled down to live in the beauty spot will discover gardening. This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies." - CS Lewis