So Wild..

My God is not a Tamed God, but a Wild God. I cannot control Him, and, even though I'm delusional at times, when my thoughts are clear, I find it crazy to possibly think that I can put Him in to any sort of Debt with my "good" thoughts and deeds - expecting some sort of payment back for my worship. Satan tricks me, and plants a sense of entitlement in my heart at times, and I hear myself screaming "What more can I do?". I trick myself to thinking I have control over my redemption. However, I've realized that it's all wishful thinking and it's our humanistic tendency to want to be in the driver's seat- to be in control. My God is a God of Grace and Love - that pours out Himself so much, that He puts Everyone else in Debt. And when we come to realize This Grace, we have no other choice but to want to do everything in our power to Worship Him mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I've been listening to Jesus Culture's cover for the below song, and it's one of the closest ways to describe my current state of mind.

Obsession by Martin Smith

What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it wind that blows the trees?
Sometimes you're further than the moon
Sometimes you're closer than my skin
And you surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for you
And my heart burns

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing
to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
I feel lonely without hope
I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

And my heart burns for you
And my heart burns for you